1) Ensure there are no closed doors in the house. If any are, stand on hind legs and scratch it loudly. Once opened, it isn’t necessary to use it.

2) If you have applied Rule1 to an outside door, stand neither in nor out while you ponder the vagaries of life. Particularly in Winter.

3) If your slave is reading, try to lie across the object of attention. If not possible, you can always try to shred it.

4) Slaves must be trained as soon as you deign to live with them. Remember, a trained slave makes a happy cat.

5) When you need to deposit a hairball or other offending item from your stomach, try to leap onto your favourite chair first.

6) Deter too many guests by assessing which don’t like cats, and sitting on their laps. Claws at the ready and fishy breath help.

7) ALWAYS go along to the bathroom with any strangers in your house. It is usually enough to just sit and watch them with a smug look.

8) Ensure no one visits the kitchen without you in hasty pursuit. They may leave something tasty unguarded.

9) When rubbing against clothes, always try to opt for something that will contrast best with your fur colour.

10) Make sure you get enough sleep during the day so that you can be energetic and alert enough to play bouncy pouncy on their bed at 3am.