1) Bark loudly at the door until you are allowed out. Once out, bark loudly to come back in again.

2) If you need to be sick, make sure you’re as far from the door as possible, preferably on a deep-pile carpet.

3) Make sure your favourite ball is well and truly slimy before you deposit it on masters or mistresses’  lap to throw it for you.

4) Put on your best ‘starving’ expression and whine whenever ANYONE is eating.

5) Make sure to play enthusiastically with your noisiest squeaky toy during the best part of every film your owners are watching

6) If you think you may be going to see “He with white coat and cold hands,” save up all your pees and poohs until you get there.

7) Be determined to escape the garden-even if you have no idea what you’ll do when you get out.

8) As soon as you have been given a bath, find the filthiest, smelliest place to roll.

9) Have a safe place ready to hide should you hear the words “Bad” and “Dog” spoken closely together.

10) Where at all possible, try to lay all blame for anything on the cat, or the kids.