1) Do you want a pet who needs little attention?

2) Are you happy to point out the catflap if he wants to go out?

3) If he has special places to sit or sleep, do you ensure they’re always free for his use?

4) He doesn’t really respond to any name, but you give him a godlike one anyway.

5) If he gives you ‘that look’, you run for cover.

6) He keeps himself impeccably clean. You just have to move his hairballs.

7) He never does anything wrong. You are wrong to believe he has.

8) You can almost hear the laugh if you tell him off…

9) You need to worship him. He will tolerate you until someone better comes along.

10) You don’t understand why anyone would want a Dog.