If you are looking for someone who will:

Go crazy because they are so delighted to see you.

Sit by you to watch a soppy film when football is on the other side.

Be happy to go out with you at any time.

Eat everything you prepare with no mention of “Mum used to make it better.”

Never insist on the sports page before you even see the paper.

Not care whether you are old, young, fat, thin, attractive or not.

Always listen attentively, and love you with unending devotion…

GET A DOG

On the other hand, if you want someone who will ignore you, do as they please, stay out all night, leave hairs all over you, only seem to come home to eat and sleep, walk all over you, and treat you as if the sole purpose of your life is to cater to their every need…

GET A CAT

(You thought I was going to say MAN didn’t you?)